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a prayer

Posted by on November 12, 2011

YHVH,

I have so many questions. I don’t understand the decisions you make. You are so wise, and you understand everything. I have been tempted to go to others for help. If I just search for the right words on the internet, then I’ll find answers. Someone will explain to me why I have been blessed with not one, but two people with asperger’s syndrome. Someone will tell me how to help them.

But no one has any answers. They try, but their answers are so empty. They give their canned responses, but they don’t understand. They don’t know what it’s like to watch a grown man scream in frustration because something isn’t going as planned, and feel like he’s screaming at me. They don’t worry about how to teach my daughter to have compassion for others when she can only think about herself.

But You understand. Please help me. Please show me the way. Give me wisdom and patience, oh so much patience. I cannot model Your ways if I am frustrated, too. What would You do?

You showed us how to love. Yahshua spent 33 years showing us how to love. But He is sinless. How do I show love, when I get upset, too? Joseph returned good for evil. How do I show love to a selfish egotistical person who doesn’t understand other people’s feelings? How do I return good when I don’t always get it in return?

Please give me your strength. Help me to be patient in the face of impatience. Help me to be calm during someone else’s meltdown. Help me to be happy when they are mad. Help me to reach out when they want to withdraw. Help me to remember that love is a choice I make every day.

Helping my family is not a ten step process. Show me the little actions I need to take every day. Help me to remember that even Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob did not have perfect little lives. Real life is sometimes messy. Torah brings order, but it comes a little at a time. Remind me that real lasting change takes time and hard work.

And can I come to you and cry every now and then? You understand my tears and know exactly what to do. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for my family, every single one of them. You must think I’m pretty tough since you promise to not give me more than I can handle. That makes me smile.

And, YHVH, please help all those mommies in the same boat as me. They smile and get up every morning and give it their best shot. Give them strength and patience and show them compassion when they are overwhelmed. Give them lots of hugs. And show us all that our struggles are no different than anyone else’s. You use everything in our lives to make us more like you.

Thank you for listening to me. You are such a good daddy!

2 Responses to a prayer

  1. Lusi

    “They don’t know what it’s like to watch a grown man scream in frustration because something isn’t going as planned, and feel like he’s screaming at me. ”
    I do Heidi. I understand that feeling all too well my friend. Having 2 people on the spectrum in the family is incredibly challenging and you are so right…only Yah can show us the way through.
    Much love and understanding,
    Lusi x

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